Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
