I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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