just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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