When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
