I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
