I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
