sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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