If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
