Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
