I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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