That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
