please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
