We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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