i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
