so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
