i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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