Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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