i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
