how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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