well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
