well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
