I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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