Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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