Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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