fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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