Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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