I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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