I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
