mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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