So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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