So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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