So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
