Cold hands, warm shart.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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