I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
