Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
