so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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