i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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