Cold hands, warm shart.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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