.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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