I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Vodka?
Forever.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
