What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
