Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
