Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
