Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
