He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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