I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
