Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
