go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
