One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
