Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Can i not drive my cunt home
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
